As a writer who sometimes tries to find the lighter side of heavy things, the recent glam-packed Blue Origin space flight was a gift from the heavens.

Finally, something we almost all can agree on: It was dumb as bricks. Although maybe it would have been cool if they took some actual bricks and let them loose during the 11 minutes of weightlessness. Wheeee!

And when gravity switched back on, clunk! Proof that gravity is out to get us. I don’t trust it, and neither should you.

This is the sort of science that would have captured the imagination of 12-year-old Danny Mackie, boy genius. I also would have suggested testing the power of the sun at super-high altitude by using a magnifying glass to fry ants. Way cool! 

To be honest, I was so soft-hearted that I didn’t get pleasure from scorching ants on Earth. I was roped into it by a kid from the next street over who probably became a psycho killer, or a soulless White House spokesperson — like the ones who claim transgender Venezuelan drug gangs are bringing DEI and unfairly priced Canadian products into our schools.

The irony of the Blue Origin flight was that the “crew,” or more accurately, “passengers,” were all women, which was intended to be a victory for feminism, as if the status of women of great wealth (or connected to it) is one of the key problems of our time. If they face a glass ceiling, it is made by Tiffany & Co.

Pop singer Katy Perry took heat as the dumbest of the dumb, but TV journalist Gayle King was also roasted for saying the mission was real and she’s an astronaut. Lauren Sanchez, fiancee of the second richest human, Earthman No. 2, commissioned fashion designers to create new suits. She said they “brought a little spice to space.”

(Was Little Spice one of the original Spice Girls? I need to look that up.)

I don’t recall if John Glenn did anything similar in 1962 as the first American to orbit the Earth. As I recall, his outfit was bulky, not very flattering, and totally unsuited for a post-flight dance party. 

But back to the future: I would be happy if Perry, King and Sanchez take their act on the road, to inspire us with further daring adventures. One stunt that comes to mind is tumbling over Niagara Falls in fabulous swimwear and designer barrels.

Or re-create the Oregon Trail, transforming the ordeal with glam caravans and prairie dresses reimagined for modern sensibilities. Katy Perry, for one, could prove that Pioneer Girls could be just as hot as California Girls. I’ll leave details to the imagination.  

My point is not to belittle women, it is to belittle the recent voyage and hype. (A couple of the space cadets were actually legit, but Perry, King and Sanchez stole the spotlight.) And to point out another scientific principle: Any Stupid Action Will Bring an Equal and Opposite Reaction. 

How do people of wealth or influence not have at least one friend who could say: Umm, I think this won’t look too good. If they don't have any actual friends, they could afford to hire a reasonable facsimile.

In defense of women, male-dominated institutions, such as the Trump Administration, which offers a daily debacle (and two on Fridays), are just as likely to do dumb things. No, on second thought, they have the women beat by a mile, and more. 

Men will take dumb all the way to Mars, which is, on average, 140 million miles away, according to NASA. And maybe to infinity and beyond.

Which brings us to Elon, “Musk the Merciless,” the world’s richest man and Mars travel enthusiast. His other top interest is mass firings, the grownup version of burning ants.

Which brings us to Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense in the alternate universe in which we seem to be living. Perhaps you have been receiving mystery texts claiming you have overdue highway tolls, millions of dollars socked away in Nigeria, or your input is needed concerning war plans for Yemen.

If you are wise, you will ignore the first two. If you are patriotic, you will ignore all communications from Hegseth. The Department of Defense advises that you delete any sensitive national security materials inadvertently sent to you. “Unplug your computer, wrap it in tin foil, and don’t say anything to friends, loved ones, woke liberals or the media. Especially the latter. They would take the CHINA STRIKE PLANS entirely out of context.”

Anyone could be in the loop. If Pete can’t tighten his phone protocols, we must all do our part. Join me, America, in a pre-emptive action: BLOCK PETE HEGSETH NOW! 

Dan Mackie lives in West Lebanon. He can be reached at dan.mackie@yahoo.com.